I love working one to one with people and am even happy talking to 2 or 3 people but more than 5 becomes a group and my comfort level drops – put me in a room where I need to talk to 15 or more and I am seriously outside of my comfort zone.

On Monday I was on a stage with about 70 people in the audience.

The night before I’d started to get nervous, and this wasn’t a major deal – not me talking all day,  just part of a panel for a 90 minute session, but even so …

Well decided to reframe this, and rather than look out and see a sea of faces, instead chose to focus on just 4 people, so I was back in my comfort zone.

All went exceptionally well. I was more able to be me, rather than move into a "presenter role" which is not me.

I also spoke from the heart, and gave relevant, practical and personal examples.

Afterwards I had at least 7 people come up and say how much they had enjoyed what I had to say, so I left on a high!

Think I might have cracked it, let’s see how things go next month when I am runnng a conference session.

A brilliant book on dealing with fear is Susan Jeffers – “Feel the Fear and do it anyway”. 

We often fear the unknown – we can prepare and do as much as we can in advance of something but we never know what a reaction will be. We can’t control other people’s reaction but we can control our reaction to whatever is happening to us. 

Susan says that this gives us power. We have a choice – we can feel miserable about something that doesn’t go our way, or we can look for the learning experience and look for ways to make it a triumph.   Does this help? Let me know

I go to the gym, and if I just did my own thing I’d probably stay well within my comfort zone, why push myself to do something new and difficult when I can follow a programme I can do in my sleep. With my personal trainer today I was forced to do things that were quite challenging – one exercise I couldn’t do, another couple I would have preferred not to do, but I did them and I was glad I stretched myself.

So why am I sharing this? Because for many of us we stick to what is safe, we stay in the job although we would rather do something different and sometimes it takes an objective outsider to allow us to see what we can actually become.

Can I help? Do get in touch, Denise x

 A cutting from The Times of India – Optimists may live longer. Researchers have found that of nearly 7,000 adults followed since their college days in the 1960s, those who were optimistic in their youth had a lower risk of dying over the next 40 years than their more pessimistic peers.

Optimists are less likely to suffer from depression than pessimists which could, in turn, affect their physical health. they may also maintain a healthier lifestyle, paying more attention to their diet and exercise habits.

The findings are based on a 40 year follow up of 6,958 men and women who entered the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill in the mid 1960s. At the time they took a standard personality test to gauge a person’s tendency to be optimistic or pessimistic.

In general, optimists believe negative events are only temporary and don’t let them affect their overall attitude about themselves and the world.  Pessimists, however, take such events to heart, often blaming themselves and believing that the bad time will last forever.

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
1749-1832, Poet and Novelist

I really like this quote – too many people treat people in a very disparaging way, and what do you see from this?  The more we can support others to be what they want to be, an gently help them on their way, there is a greater chance of success for them.  

This is why I love my work so much, people come to me unsure, and sometimes lacking in self esteem, and I help them to understand themselves and to become the person they want to be.

I had a message from someone who has had an awful lot of challenges and setbacks in his life, but things are moving forward. He’s now got some voluntary work.   I wrote back to him and said:

“I think it is really great news that you are taking on some voluntary work – baby steps move you forward. You may like to make a note of what you achieve – for example,  not biting back to a difficult customer, showing you care, even if you don’t really, making positive comments to others, all of these examples may come in useful one day when you go for an interview for a job you really want.  

If you are waiting to get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy you may benefit from getting a book to learn some of the techniques yourself, a lot is down to self talk – I recommend Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky.” I’m such a believer in baby steps, little steps forward and the occasional one backwards, but the general pattern moves us on.

Also we need to recognise that the sun doesn’t shine on every day, but that we need the other days to help us appreciate the better ones.  However you are feeling today, take a moment to think about what’s gone well for you, or something you have done that you wouldn’t have been able to in the past. 

Take care, Denise x

A study by psychologists at Yale University, led by Becca Levy, has found that people with a posiitve outliook will live on average 7.5 years longer than those who take a more gloomy persective. They based their findings on the results of a survey taken in 1975 with people aged 50 and over where people had to agree or disagree with statements such as “thinhs keep getting worse as I get older! and “I have as much pep as I did last year”.

So expect things to get better, look on the bright side and live longer!

When clients chat about the reasons they are unhappy in their work they often cite boredom, and this can be when their work is complex, not just in routine jobs. Some recent research by Marion Martin, School of Health Professionals, University of Brighton has found that boredom arises largely from internal factors so even if this person changed jobs they may still be bored.

Ms Martin found that even when peope were not working and had the freedom to do almost anything some were still bored.

She has undertaken research and found a correlation between boredom and mindful attention. Thus finding out how you concentrate and mindfulness can help people get more out of the present.

Sometimes I come across small stories which are full of meaning. Why not have a read of this one and then give it some thought.  

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Japanese Folktale