This article may not be relevant to you, but you probably know people like this. Someone who volunteers to take on extra work, who sets themselves tight deadlines, who seems to be addicted to work and life at a very fast pace.
That was me but gradually I’ve gone through recovery.
Partly this is down to getting older but also to being forced to do nothing when I got rushed into hospital.
I have always put far more pressure on myself than anyone else, and it’s part of who I am. I think part of this is learned behaviour from my childhood, and some of it a coping mechanism to stop me thinking about painful events in my life. (I dealt with an unhappy marriage by studying for a masters’ degree part time).
- I was the one who when a client wanted a rush job would say yes even if it inconvenienced my family.
- I was the one who signed contracts for 2 books to be completed a couple of months apart without even discussing changing deadlines.
- I was the one who worked on holiday because a client needed a CV and an application reviewed that day. Why did I let her lack of organisation put me out?
I wonder if partly it was down to me being very overweight? Many of you know I used to weigh 22 ½ stone and I’ve lost 11 stone, people may have thought of me as fat but also as nice and helpful. I also think being morbidly obese I lacked assertiveness and didn’t want to have to challenge people.
I think I’m now in recovery from this need to work at such a fast pace.
Today I didn’t get into my office till just before 9 as I wanted to finish reading The Silkworm, it was a nice morning so I sat in my garden.
I had planned to send this out last week … but I had a large party to organise to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary and last week was busy with party prep and then it’s getting the house and garden back to normal.
I decided I needed to pace myself.
Most things are not urgent, we just make them so.
We dance around to other peoples’ demands, and put ourselves last. Or when we do focus on us its still about being busy.
What I noticed was that although I had me time this was spent
- At the gym
- At the cinema
And what I wasn’t doing was being!
So I’ve picked up on meditation/mindfulness and this is helping me to be calmer and to recognise that not everything needs to be done right now.
If this resonates with you perhaps the following will help
- Notice the amount of time you spend working, and giving to others against the time you have for you.
- With your personal time, how much is spent on being busy and how much on more restful activity, where you can chill/ relax/ just be. I class a stroll in the countryside in this category but not power walking/jogging.
- Don’t overfill your diary – remember you need to allow time to prepare and arrive at a meeting. Not just the journey but to allow time in your head to focus on a meeting. As more of us attend online meetings it’s easy to keep responding to emails even through the meeting has started. It does help to allow some time to switch focus and to make sure we are present in this new meeting. We also need time afterwards to deal with our action points, if not then – when?
- We don’t have to say yes to everything. Yes you may have space in your diary today but are there tasks that need to be done? It helps to diary in time to write a report/ prepare for a meeting/ clear the inbox. I’ve learnt, and teach my clients to say we need to check diaries as we need to look at the bigger picture over a week or longer rather than just one day.