I wondered how often you play the blame game? It’s sometimes called ‘if only …
I am REALLY GOOD AT IT. I’m so much an expert in taking responsibility for everything that goes wrong, despite other people saying that stuff happens and I can’t anticipate everything.
BUT … I want to be able to second guess and anticipate.
AND I feel I should be able to second guess and anticipate.
I had a computer failure 10 days ago and although I had a new PC on order I’d not opted for the express service. What I’d expected to happen was the new PC would arrive and I’d leisurely load everything onto it, knowing if I couldn’t find a password etc. I’d be able to look at the old machine and get access that way.
Once I found out my hard drive was corrupted I paid to fast track the order, the same as if I’d done it 5 days previous (and if I had it would have been delivered that day latest. Then it took an extra day than they had told me. I started on the ‘if only …’ I tell myself I should have known this would happen and fast tracked it from the start. Or have ordered it a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’t because of my post op complications and I didn’t think I’d be able to crawl around the floor plugging in cables.
- My website
My website has gone down, problems with themes and more. I was waiting for my web designer to fix things, which he’s always been able to do. But this time he can’t so my hosting company are working on it. Again I beat myself up that I didn’t contact them yesterday, but I’d spent all day uploading files onto my PC and was waiting for my web designer. Now I’m told my web designer needs to reinstall, but it’s a weekend. So my website is going to be off line till Tuesday I expect.
- My Health
And of course I should have anticipated getting a DVT in my leg and walked more after my op. But I was in agony, it was so painful …
And I’ve put on weight … I’ve not really been focused on my weight when I could barely walk and so I’ve not been able to exercise. But I now find that over the past 10 weeks I’ve gained 7 pounds. Woops. Yes, I will lose it but I tell myself that I should have eaten less … but the pain in my leg and lack of mobility meant I felt a bit down, and food and wine gave me pleasure …
I don’t want this to be a negative, woo is me but to be part of sharing who I am.
I’ve been told by some that I come across as superwoman, that nothing seems to get me down, but I’m not superwoman and I get disappointed, frustrated and sad.
But most of the time I’m positive and energetic, and maybe that’s why it hits me more when I have these setbacks.
I’m know going out for a brisk walk, the weather has improved and the fresh air and listening to the birds and the cows and sheep should help to bring me back in touch with what is important.